


Her Own Path

by gemitah



Series: Destiny's Wrath [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Reader with background, Reader-Interactive, Slow Burn, before anime events, eventually smut, idk??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6159452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemitah/pseuds/gemitah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I have... to..." You opened your eyes, facing that chilling face. Your voice was a whimpering whisper, but it didn't matter to you, as you were trying with all the remaining strength that was left to rise from the ground and face that titan. There was nothing else that you could do, but dying facing the imminent future, instead of crying surrounded by fear. You wouldn't die being a coward, you owed Zedd and your grandparents at least that.</p><p>"If you..." you cough, without taking your eyes away from that immense monster that was now standing still, looking at you as though he was... intrigued by your actions. But you didn't have the time or the will to start studying titans now. "Want to eat me... then..." millions of tears were rolling down your face, and holding your breath for a second, you screamed: "GO AHEAD!!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bastards

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hello there! This is my first SnK fanfic so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> And as the tags said, the main relationship will be Levi x Reader.
> 
> This story will have 2 parts: the first one, which will be located years before the main anime events, and the second one that will happen in the anime context. The following chapter takes place two years before the fall of Wall Maria.
> 
> That said, I hope you enjoy this thing that just popped out of my head while I was watching AoT!
> 
> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.

"Is that true, Gram? Can they _force_ you to work beyond the Walls?"

An unpleasant frown was taking over your face after hearing the news about the way your Grandmother and Grandfather lived at Shiganshina. Even though you lived in the Capital, inside Wall Sina, you didn't mind the long travel to Wall Maria because nothing was more difficult than living so far away from two of the people that you loved the most. All the more so when the relationship with your parents was cold and _complicated_ , to say the least.

It had been almost six months since your last visit, something that had never occurred before, mostly because you liked to visit them at least a weekend per month, but this time you had been too busy with household chores and your financial studies. So trying to compensate it, you decided that visiting them by surprise could be an excellent idea—you never wondered that the first moment you knocked at their door, _they_ would be the ones surprising you.

Your Grandparents had always been farmers, and sometimes, when you were a little kid, you used to accompany them to the pastures, but a couple of years ago they told you they were retired. That turned out to be a lie which ashamed them to no end, not because they were still working, but because they had to do it in under coercion. Apparently, those working days were always scheduled so you would never find out, but this time, appearing unexpectedly, nothing could be done to hide it from you—they were already preparing their tools, and missing the appointment could have consequences that, judging from the gloom on your Grandmother's face, weren't good.

"But... But that's not legal, it can't be!" You replied after her weak nod. "No one can leave the Walls unless they belong to the military. There must be something that we can do against this!" You shook your head, incredulous that such a crime had been happening for years. "I'm coming back to the Capital to tell Jace about this, he must do something! The Military Police must stop this madness!" Your shock was starting to evolve into anger, and your hands forming into fists were the prove.

"There's nothin' your brother can do 'bout this, honey," your Grandma answered, her voice filled with pain and watery eyes begging you to stop the matter. "The MP are the ones that started it and the ones controlin' it." Your mouth opened in shock, while you tried to process what you were hearing. You already knew that they were quite corrupted, but this was too far beyond just corrupted.

"If we don't do what they say, we can end... They can..." Her mouth hushed suddenly, as if she was remembering something painful, flinched in her old wooden chair. Your eyes widened, anger raising now from your fists.

"What could happen, Gram?" Though you tried to hold yourself back from that anger boiling inside you, it was almost impossible. What you were hearing belonged to a nightmare rather than to real life.

"They can punish us in ways ya can't imagine." She raised her gaze to meet yours, letting you know eyes filled with horror, and then lowered her head to continue preparing her equipment to harvest outside the Wall. "And that's all, I don't wanna ya to know more. Please, honey." Her voice was a whispered beg, full of pain.

Approaching her after giving yourself several moments to take a deep breath, you knelt before her and started cleaning her agricultural tools as well, because you didn't know what to do—you didn't want to let the subject pass that easily, you wanted to take them both to the Capital, to keep them away from any danger, to report what was happening and make some justice... But her pain was hurting you so much, that your emotions were a mess along with your thoughts. You really didn't want to hurt her more with the conversation, but maybe after clearing your mind, you could search other ways of helping them and seek some answers in your own way.

The boiling feelings inside you made it hard to keep your mouth quiet, but you were decided to let it pass for a while to avoid her any more suffering. Despite that, your Grandmother could read your true intentions in your face, but she didn't say a thing, instead, she just sighed and felt a bit relieved that you let the matter aside. She didn't feel proud of her actions though—lying to her granddaughter, having to work for the Military Force in an illegal way, not being able to stand up and fight for the right thing to do...

But she didn't know of any other choice left, at least not of one that wouldn't end with them both and the rest of their family _punished_. She had heard rumors of some companions telling others, calling for help, and after that being brutally murdered, as well as their relatives. That was what managed to keep their mouths quiet for so long, and the ones in charge knew it and abused their power. The Military Police controlled even the Garrison, after all.

* * *

 

You, [First Last], were the little girl of an accommodated family from inside Wall Sina, studying to get the better grades at school and eventually, dreaming about becoming some important person that could actually try to change the world, even if it was just for a little. Your parents' philosophy was not the same, maybe from the way they were raised, you used to think to calm yourself a bit after some discussion.

Your parents grew up at Shiganshina, the southern city at Wall Maria, almost feeling the Titan's territory, and that was what made them want to change their lives, work hard and move to Wall Sina. Neither of them liked the soldier's life, so instead of that, they studied and became important merchants. You never discovered how they made it, though you always wondered, because they only told you "Hard work, so be kind and say thanks for what you've got because we gave our lives to give this family a good position".

And it wasn't like you complained... at all. You were grateful for having enough food to eat, clothes to wear and actually, a good life. You just wanted to be able to make your own choices, as they did years ago, and as your two brothers were able to do. But it seemed too much to ask, apparently.

On the other hand, they tended to think what was the reason that you have grown up with such a different point of view of what they expected. Truth be told, you indeed knew why it was: it was seen every day at the streets, heard every day at the gossip's groups, even felt if you paid enough attention at your surroundings. Black market, corruption, famine, murders, rapes, the Undercity... it sickened you, the world you were living in, people not giving a fuck about anything beyond their full tummies.

The Military Police was mostly corrupted, increasing the black market as well as some of the merchants, treating poorly the population instead of protecting them and even controlling the Garrison for their own benefit. It wasn't like they actually worked much more, but at least they didn't make the world worse than it was. And then the King, as well as the most important people of the City, did exactly the same: nothing and the worst. You never dared to say that out loud, of course, maybe your parents wouldn't kill you but the MP would surely do it, going against the system and all that bullshit.

Oh, and let's not forget to mention those monsters that surrounded outside Wall Maria and threatened to annihilate humanity: Titans. In case that you, human beings, hadn't enough killing each other! Fortunately, it seemed like the Survey Corps, the ones that actually tried to fight them and expand human's territory beyond Wall Maria, were the only ones to do their work. They didn't get many results, but at least they tried their best, risking their own lives over and over again.

You secretly admired them a huge deal, and though you knew that your physical abilities would never be enough for that kind of work – you were more of a thinking mind – you found yourself dreaming about maybe, in another life, you could wear those Wings of Freedom... But for now, the only help that you could offer was just all your support and, in the future, your taxes.

Your parents didn't seem to make an effort to understand you, not even hear you. Your mother said that it wasn't common that a young lady like you thought about all that stuff. That your duty was to obtain good grades, learning how to properly cook and clean, wearing fancy clothes and find a decent, well-positioned husband, and that was what she forced you to do: being almost a servant, cooking for your parents and your brothers, making all the household chores... You were tired of the situation, hating how while both of your brothers were free to join the army and actually try to make a change, your only purpose on this world was just to be a goddamn well wife slash servant. At eager ages, you didn't realize, neither cared, you did just as you were told. But after taking a look at what was happening around... something inside you changed.

You saw your brothers, one serving the King at the Military Police, the other joining the Garrison, both being respected, protecting the population, living the way they chose to live... While you were forced just to sit and watch years flying away and weird shit going on without nobody doing a damn thing. You wanted nothing more than to join the Military Police or the Garrison, to serve to a biggest purpose, and to put all your skills into action. Why studying that hard if it was for nothing? You wanted to investigate, to create, to repair all the holes around you... To do something. Anything.

But they would never understand. Neither your parents, neither your big brother Jace. The one that only listened to you was the middle brother, Zedd, the one at the Garrison. He was... pretty much like you: wanting to help the others, to learn more, to put his skills and abilities into something useful. You only reached to see him once in a while, when his work allowed him to step at home, but those were the times that you enjoyed the most. Not only he made you laugh and forget about the course your life was taking for a while, but he also told you tons of stuff about the Walls, about their structure, the working of his 3DGM, even some funny stories about his friends and comrades at the military. You envied, yet loved him so much that it hurt at the very thought of it, wishing to be like him. And he knew. And he also wished that you could live your own life in the way that you choose it to be.

Sometimes, you believed that it may be about being almost the same age, him only two years old, while everyone in your family was quite older. Jace, the older brother, passed you by no less than ten years, while your parents were almost thirty years older than you and Zedd. With that differences, your whole life was pinned to Zedd, to whom was more similar to you, and that made you cry a lot while he was away during his three training years. You felt alone, empty. He knew back there, too, and he missed you as well. He wished that you both were twins, so you could've maybe joined him at the training and both accomplish it, together, but deep inside he already knew that the misogynist vision of mom and dad would've not let you join him, even hypothetically being the same age.

Before leaving, there was a promise: Zedd would write down everything that happened to him during all those three years, so you could know what was all that training about and also, making up for leaving you alone. He did it, and as soon as you met him after three years, you found yourself buried in letters, crying tears of joy and happiness, not only because of being again with your brother, but because he kept his promise and therefore, let you knew how it was to be trained to kill titans, repair the Walls or shooting a rifle, among other things.

Those little happy times didn't last, though. Not much work was needed at Wall Sina, after all, and although he was able to stay at the Capital City and that way, be closer to you, thanks to dad's and Jace's contacts at the military, he ended up requesting for a transfer at Wall Rose. Your tears were expected as well as your parents' annoyance at your brother's plan, but you understand him more than anyone in that house. Though it hurt knowing that you would be alone again, you knew that he was the same as you: he wanted to help where it was needed, to try and make a change.

Most of the Garrison, as you could see and also be told, barely worked and just worried about being drunk and playing cards, but your brother wasn't like that. He was always investigating new ways of improving the Walls, the canons or even investigating the titans themselves. Same thing you ended up doing as soon as you could get some of his books, and loving every second of it. You were proud of him being that way, and although you didn't know, he was proud of you as well. You maybe couldn't join the army, but he loved the woman you were slowly turning into, and he had his hopes that someday, you could make your way and do what you wished.

After leaving for Wall Maria, things changed, you noticed. Mom and Dad didn't talk about Zedd, nor didn't want you to talk about him. You got some letters, but eventually stopped. He didn't warn you about having too much work for not being able to write, and it scared you. _What if he was...? What if he had had an accident or...?_ Your parents always told you that that was stupid, that he would probably be ok, living a new life, maybe getting married to some woman from the outside Walls, whatever they could use to shut your mouth. There was when, not only disgusted by the way they treated you and manipulated your life, that you started suspecting about your brother also being disregarded.

Someday, tired of all that bullshit, you waited at the corner of your street for the postman to appear, running into him and asking him if, somehow, there were letters coming at your name for the last couple of months. That was the moment where you discovered that in fact, your parents were hiding your mail, the letters from your brother, the person that you probably loved and cared about the most. They _knew_ that he had an influence on you, your interest in the military, the Walls, the Titans and all that stuff they didn't like for you.

After that, you had it clear. Your parents were nothing but just two people that you had to live with until you could move and start your own life. Making an agreement with the postman, every two weeks you would meet him before stepping at home, providing you with the letters from your brother and that way, keeping in touch with him. You didn't say a word about that problem to him, because you would wait to tell him face to face. You would use the travels to Shiganshina for your own benefit – not only to visit your grandparents, but to also arrange a meeting with your brother. Besides, it seemed that you were the only one interested in them, after all. Your parents didn't like their decision to stay at Wall Maria when they moved to the Capital, though they respected that you wanted to keep in touch with them, and now they didn't want to know anything about your brother, so...

* * *

 

You raised your gaze to contemplate the petite form of your Grandmother—her kind of long, white hair fell at the sides of her rounded face, all her skin covered in wrinkles that each year became more intense. Some tears showed up at the corner of her little eyes, even though she tried to stay focused on the task ahead. You noticed that her hands were slightly shaking, uncertain if it was because of her old age or the recent conversation. Maybe both, considering the presence of those tears.

Giving her a warm smile as a way of reassuring her, you put apart the tools that she was currently cleaning and held both her hands, making her stop to look at you. With one hand you reached her right cheek, wiping away one silent tear that had escaped the corner of her eyes. Placing a soft kiss on the palm of her hands, you kept smiling at her. After a few minutes like that, you helped her to rise from the chair and accompany you to the couch. Once there, you wrapped her in your arms, holding her softly, like if she was just a baby and you the adult in charge.

You knew that she loved when you cuddled her like that, because it was the kind of hugs that she had liked to have with her daughter, to whom haven't seen in ages, the one that left to the Capital City when she was young, carried by a man that your grandparents barely knew, and all they had left was the affection of her grandchildren, especially Zedd and you. Since you knew this, and how they felt about the lack of your mom's presence in their lives, you tried your best to keep in touch with them and take care of them during the days together.

"You're a good girl, [First]," she murmured, finally smiling at you despite the pain. "I never intended ya to find out 'bout this... But seems that one can't change the course of actions, after all."

"Yes, one can change it, Gram," you answered, raising from your spot to look at her with eyes full of determination. "Let's do it, I will help you! We can ask Zedd first, he must be somewhere along the Wall, and then go to Jace, we'll stop this!" Your words were filled with hope, but your Grandmother lowered her gaze again, leaving you insecure.

"Others tried and never accomplished." She sighed as if defeated. "We accepted our fate, y'know? I decided to stay here at Shiganshina when your parents left, and ain't gonna regret it. This place is my home, and if I hafta work outside the Walls I'm gonna do it. All our bloodline has lived within those walls." She looked at the room, like if memories were passing before her eyes. "I ain't giving up this family's home to those _bastards_."

"Gram..."

You didn't even know if those bastards that she had mentioned were the titans or the Military Police, maybe both, but in that moment you realized that she loved her home, loved Shiganshina, and she would do anything to still live there, to not give up to the titan's threat or the Military's. Not only her firm voice made it clear, but also her determined gaze and the fact that she had been doing it for years without daring to seek help. That was why your grandparents understood you so well. They were also fighters.

And being such a stubborn fighter as you were, you had something clear. You were going to do the impossible to change their situation, to bring justice to those poor workers that were being treated unfairly by the scum that were pulling the strings, because no one had the right to force them to work outside the walls just to pay for food or a home, not even to sell the benefits to some corrupted merchant. No, you definitely wouldn't allow it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The firsts two-three chapters will be all the reader's background. I hope you enjoy it, it will determine the reader's personality and future! In the next chapter, there will be contact with the Survey Corps, but Levi and the others will have to wait to chapter three.
> 
> AND TO CLARIFY:
> 
> You have two brothers:  
> Jace, ten years older -so that makes him 29 NOW-, Military Police, quite stupid.  
> And Zedd, 2 years older -making him 22 NOW-, Garrison, cinnamon roll.


	2. The Wings of Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 ending:
> 
> She looked at the room, like if memories were passing before her eyes. "I ain't giving up this family's home to those _bastards_."
> 
> "Gram..."
> 
> You didn't even know if those bastards she mentioned were the titans or the Military Police, maybe both, but in that moment you realized that she loved her home, loved Shiganshina, and she would do anything to still live there, to not give up to the titan's threat or the Military's. Not only her firm voice made it clear, but also her determined gaze and the fact that she had been doing it for years without daring to seek help. That was why your grandparents understood you so well. They were also fighters.
> 
> And being such a stubborn fighter as you were, you had something clear. You were going to do the impossible to change their situation, to bring justice to those poor workers that were being treated unfairly by the scum that were pulling the strings., because no one had the right to force them to work outside the walls just to pay for food or a home, not even to sell the benefits to some corrupted merchant at the black market. No, you definitely wouldn't allow it.

You gave your grandparents a heartwarming hug before they left down the street to work outside Wall Maria. They waved their wrinkled hands towards you after a few meters, and it sent a chill down your spine. Seeing them so old to do such a hard task, on an uncomfortable space... How could the Military Police do such a thing? Why didn't nobody in the Capital know or act against this? You sighed, frowning before entering the house and trying not to give a further thought to it, needless to say, in vain.

Both were able to read your mind, you thought, but it was just your expression what they read, so they made you promise to stay at home until they come back. They _saw_ that you were planning on going with them and that could be really bad. Nothing would stop you then from asking the guards what the hell was going on about forcing people to work on a titan territory, or even something worse. You promised, yes, and you tried to stay at home as you were told.

But it was impossible. Hugging yourself on the couch, you felt the walls getting closer to you while you were still trying not to think about the dangerous thing that your grandparents were doing right now, probably. There you stayed, until a scream got out of your lungs and, punching the couch before standing up, you left the house running down the street, unable to control yourself. Failing that promise. But what was a promise when the lives of the people that you loved the most were in danger?

"I can't let that happen," you whispered, trying to save your breath from the race that you just put yourself on. "They can't keep like that. This is madness." You hit a bunch of people on your path, shouting tons of _I'm sorry_ down the way, without even looking back or slowing down. You had to reach them, wherever the fuck they might be.

After an intense race, you reached the Gate. Where else could you go? No, they couldn't leave from there. This was the only way out exclusive for the Survey Corps, something illegal couldn't happen just in front of everybody, risking themselves to get caught. They might have another way, some elevators hidden along the Wall, but where exactly?

You reached a group of Garrison soldiers at the side of the Gate, talking happily between them while passing each other a bottle of wine. Disgusting. None of them paid attention to your figure standing beside them, your face showing the most annoyed and angry frown ever. It wasn't time to be kind and play the good girl, feeling a wave of anger rising from your feet to the top of your head.

"Where the _fuck_ are the people that you put to work outside the Wall." It was a mandatory question, born from your irritation. The soldiers suddenly stopped their chat, smiles disappearing from their dumb faces. Some of them looked at each other as though they didn't know what was going on, but with the corner of your eye, you caught one who froze, looking at his left mate, who had a disgusted grin on his face. He was much older than you, and he seemed like he was about to kick your ass. H _e coul_ _d try_ , you thought. Both Jace and Zedd showed you how to fight a few years ago, and to hell if you had to contain yourself from fighting a soldier when your grandparents, as well as other people, were in danger outside the Wall.

" _I said_ , where the _fuck_ are-" You tried to repeat the order when that soldier took a step forward and hooked the neck of your shirt, pulling you closer. His eyes were burning with rage, but no less than yours. You felt chills on the back of your head, a bit shocked about his reaction, but focusing on your purpose: to find them, to put an end to this, to change things.

"Guys, I believe we have a funny lady right here," he said softly, turning to his mates without pulling you aside. "Maybe she has drunk the same as we did, ha!" His voice seemed cheerful, but you knew it was all fake. "I'll take a walk and accompany her to her home, her parents must be pretty worried about a little drunk like that." He chuckled like it was the most normal situation and the others relaxed then. Giving him a nod, they restarted the conversations and kept passing their bottle.

The soldier who was holding you, stared at you again with a furious look, letting the neck of your shirt go just to grab your left arm instead, hurting you in a way that it would leave some marks after that. You refused to make any attempt at screaming of pain, but you couldn't contain your facial expression, showing how much you were suffering at the moment. The soldier was taking you away from all the population and main streets, to an alley where nobody would hear you if you dared to scream now. He threw you to one of the walls, hitting the back of your head with the bricks and howling at the moment, unable to contain your mouth closed for longer. You tapped the back of your head, trying to know if there was any sight of blood, and you raised your gaze to meet the man's.

"Listen, you little fucker," he started growling, pointing one accusatory finger at you. "You are going to tell me how the fuck do you know about _that_." You refused his gaze, taking a look around. It was a dead-end street with nobody around, that man was probably armed, hiding a knife somewhere on his uniform, and he had much more strength than you. " _Right. Now._ " He was also quite pissed off. Nice, [First].

Your clear disadvantage didn't intimidate you, though. Maybe in another time, maybe if your grandparents weren't dealing with a life-death situation, maybe if you weren't that stubborn... you would hold back, try to control the situation with your dialectics and walk off. Maybe if you were already a soldier you could even stand up and do much more than any of those drinking soldiers. But you weren't, and the situation was clear as the blue sky. You either fought back and risked yourself to get injured, or you didn't do a damn thing and let those bastards get away with their crime. You had it clear. A cocky grin appeared on your face, while you tried to forget the pain that was arousing from your arm and head, becoming one hell of a migraine. The soldier took a step forward and tried to immobilize you, hitting his right forearm beneath your neck to push you on the wall, leaving you little space to scape. Not like you were planning on it, of course. Your superiority grin didn't disappear, and it made him angrier, taking you by the shoulder pad of your shirt with his right hand and hitting you again on the wall. Your head hurt like hell after another impact, but it wasn't enough to hold you back now. A little chuckle left your lips and in that moment the soldier took with his bare left hand a knife from his back, shoving it up your right cheek. Thanks to his attitude, you _knew_.

"Militar Police on a disguise, huh?" Your voice shook a bit, the pain from your head making appearance, but your expression was absolutely cocky. His eyes widened on a shocked face while his ugly mouth fumbled for words.

You absolutely caught him. Only an MP would treat a lady that way, you knew it well from the Capital. They didn't like to be understimated by anybody, and with your cocky attitude, it was just the reaction you were waiting for. Of course, his friend from before looking at him like he was waiting for his superior to say or do something was just the beginning of your suspicions. You might not be strong enough to fight a Militar Police of his age, but sure as hell you weren't powerless. You had your brains working all the time.

"Who the hell sends you?! How do you know?!" His growlings sounded now like desperate cries, and before answering, you took your time again to analyze the situation and his body language. Having both of his hands focused on your shoulder and cheek, you had your arms free to operate, something kind of unexpected in a fight, but you accepted it gladly. That would give you a huge advantage right now, and being physically weaker than him, you would take every possibility. Perhaps, he was that careless because he didn't expected you to be able to fight back – or maybe he was just incompetent. You could feel a sudden jolt of adrenaline run down your body, letting you know that it was now or never. _One, two, three..._

You took his left wrist with both of hands, pulling his holding-knife hand aside before writhing it painfully. Due to that, his right arm pushing your neck against the wall lost strength and twisting, even more, the wrist that you were already holding, you force him to drop the knife. The soldier whined in pain, you _almost_ broke his wrist, maybe it was dislocated by now, but you couldn't care less. His anger and shock before made him unstable to the point where you found a quick way of operating to protect yourself, using all the knowledge your two brothers taught you in case that you could find yourself, well... in a situation like that. And it helped, hell yeah.

In a fast reflex, after he dropped the knife you pushed him aside just enough to raise your foot and kick him in the stomach, making him bent and destabilizing his position. You took the knife from the ground and giving him a last kick now on his lowered chest, he fell down hitting his back to the ground. It wasn't like you were _that_ strong, but he was more shocked that a girl like you could react in that way, fighting back to the point of even hurting him, that he was unable to make a move, just rubbing his injured wrist while looking at you, his face covered by disgust. Not giving him time to even think, you put one knee on his neck while the rest of your weight was on his chest, unable for him to make a move, and shoved the knife on his cheek, as he was doing moments ago with you. He could attempt to make any move, but it would be useless. The blade was already leaving a thin line of blood on his face.

"Where the hell do you come from...?" He squinted at your imposing figure above him, your face turned into an angry grimace. You have never fought anybody aside from your brothers, not to mention using a real weapon instead of a wooden one, but the fire within your body kept pushing you, the thought that while you were in that alley trying to survive from this soldier's threat, your grandparents were trying to survive against titans.

"The Capital," you mumbled, pushing the blade harder on his flesh, but not enough to make the edge cutting him more. "Now, you tell me where the fuck are the people that you force to work outside the Wall or I swear to Sina that-"

"Okay! Okay! Okay!" He rushed to say, not letting you finish your threaten. "I will take you with them if that's what you want." Now he tried to get control again over his words, sounding more confident. You lowered the knife to his neck, shoving the blade now on his most delicate flesh. He swallowed hard, a drop of sweat running down his forehead.

"No, I still want more," you whispered, holding his gaze with the fire of your eyes. "Why is the Military Police sending people to work out there? And who is buying all those special vegetables that seem so important?"

"If I tell you, they will kill me!" He growled, frowning in a disgusted way.

"Then I will save them the efforts." You pushed the knife near your head with a furious look on your face, as though you were trying to prepare yourself for stabbing him, praying to Sina for this dumbass bite your trap like before. But he didn't.

"You are not going to do it, you're just a child." A cocky grin appeared on his lips, now taking control of his words again. _Damn._ You had no time to think of a better solution, so instead of killing him, you stabbed him in the shoulder, running the blade through the fabrics of his denim jacket and shirt. He screamed in pain, shouting all kind of curses towards you, your family and even the three Goddess. You were just looking at him trying to hold a blank expression, unable to process what he was saying. You just... stabbed someone. Not someone, a soldier from the Military Police. And you didn't hesitate. You were _truly_ fucked up, right now.

"I will fucking kill you, you damn hoe!" He continued growling at your face, writhing in pain over his bleeding shoulder. You took the knife out, making him writhing for a moment and without giving it a second thought - because now it was _all_ a mess and there was nothing that you could to make it better—you decided to go to the end. What else could you do now?

"You shut your mouth and answer me or I make the other look alike." You pushed the weapon down on his neck again, closing the distance between your faces. His shoulder was bleeding, creating a red stain on his creamy jacket. "You are damn right, I won't kill you, but I can make you suffer. Now, answer."

"Stupid hoe." He spat the words, frowning at the look on your face. You looked furious, though deep inside you were a bit scared. What would happen to you if this man get rid of his crimes and tell everyone what you just did? _Fuck_... Your parents were definitely going to kill you. "A few members of the Chamber of Commerce at the Capital run all of this, and they sell half of the benefits on the black market. The other half goes to their big tummies. We just do as they say." He sighed, frustrated. "Now you gonna tell me who the fuck are you and why are you doing all of this?"

"Yes, I'm the one that you are going to take to the other side of the Wall, just where those people are working right now." His eyebrows frowned so hard that they almost touched each other, hearing what you were saying, and also tilting his head to his injured shoulder, pain arising from there. "And then you are going to bring all of them back there, inside the Wall. Understood?"

"You are fucking crazy if you think that-" You took his wounded wrist and twisted it in a grotesque way, knowing that with that it wouldn't be even necessary to use the knife. He screamed again in pain, his body shaking from the pain rising from both his bleeding shoulder and broken wrist.

" _Now,_ " you stated, fixing your eyes on his face like you were about to destroy him if it was necessary. You were almost there, taking back your grandparents to a safe place, and that jolt of adrenaline was still burning down your skin. "If you do as I say, I will make my dad forgive your crimes, heal your injuries with a good doctor and clean your name. He's Sir Marcus from the Chamber of Commerce and my brother is at the Military Police, you might know him. That's why I know how to fight. Either you take that or you suffer here and now." You offered him his freedom although it was a lie. However, you were telling the truth about your dad and brother, and though it was reckless to give that kind of information, you couldn't think right now in any other way of getting what you wanted. At this point, it was risking all or nothing at all.

After some moments whining about his situation, the soldier accepted through clenched teeth, and you raised from the top of him still on guard with the knife. You could never trust those bastards. He took few seconds to look at you from top to bottom with a strange look on his face, wondering what would be he thinking. After saying your father's name, you noticed that his expression changed, being quite surprised. You didn't give it too much attention, your father's name was well recognized among the commerce business as well as the Military Police because of your brother.

Fortunately, his injuries were both on his right side, so he should be able to carry both of you. He took you under his left arm and suddenly you both were... flying.

His 3DMG was doing all the way up the Wall, with the wind crushing on your face, making your hair a mess. You had to close your eyes for several moments, but most of the time you were looking at the sky above you. You were flying. Almost feeling free. You remembered it, the first time that Zedd did the same with his maneuver gear and took you to a forest near Shiganshina to let you experience it. Thought this time, when you reached the top of the Wall, you noticed that it wasn't the same. You were just about to get into titan territory, there was no time to bring that kind of memories now. Focusing on the task ahead, you analyzed the surroundings searching for your grandparents. You found two carriages at a distance of twenty meters, and at least ten people working on the field, being watched over a few soldiers from the Garrison. They must be disguised as well, you thought. The soldier that was carrying you sighed before descending to the other side, and you started to feel again the tingling rising at your stomach. Some minutes after, you found yourself on solid earth, near the soldiers that looked at you two holding his blades on air. _Well, fuck._ The injuries of that moron were going to get you into trouble.

"It's okay, guys," he talked calmly, rising one hand showing that it was all fine. He seemed suspiciously kind, as he did before with the others soldiers. "Here you've got another worker more. She's a bitch, so treat her-"

All your senses awoke when he said the word _worker_ and with that, being at his side, you took one of the straps that was over his hips and in a fast reflex, you cut it with the knife you were still holding. For what you knew thanks to Zedd's letters from the training, he shouldn't be able to fly with that one out. You looked at him with challenging eyes, using again the brains that you got. You _knew_ that those bastards weren't trustworthy, it just was a miracle that he didn't drop you from the top of the Wall. Perhaps he thought that it would be better to make you titan food.

"You fucking bitch!" He frowned, rising one fist to hit you in the face, with all the other soldiers being paralyzed in his positions. You were about to dodge the hook when you heard two familiar voices calling your name that unfocused you completely from what was about to happen.

"[First]!" You turned on your heels by the time the punch reached your face, throwing you to the ground. He had hit your cheek with all his strength and as a result of being distracted to even hold your position, the knife you were holding flew a few meters aside. You rubbed your cheek whining in pain, when two thin arms wrapped you on the ground. Your gaze met your Grandmother's, holding you close with a horrified expression on her wrinkled face.

"How ya dare take my granddaughter here, a little girl!" Both of you turned your faces to your Grandfather, who was now facing the soldier that you almost killed and now was taking control over the situation. The man was patting his shoulder with a painful look on his face, and glanced at your grandfather as though he was a fly bothering him.

"That little girl is a monster and will face authority once we all come back to the Wall." He gave your Grandfather a disgusted face before turning to walk towards one of the shocked soldiers. "Fuck, that whore knew how to disable my straps..." Once he reached them, they started talking like if you all didn't exist anymore.

You got up from the ground, letting loose your Grandmother's arms, trying to arrange the absolutely chaos that your thoughts were, unable what to do or say. Your Grandfather reached you both and hugged you in a desperate way, feeling his warmth again, the affection that he always professed to you since being a little child. You wanted to cry in the shelter of his arms.

"The hell did ya do to that one, honey?" He started, trying to repress a crooked grin. "Damn, we have a hard fighter over there." He caressed your red cheek, while your Gram was brushing your hair with her fingers, unable to smile as worry covered her face.  
"You are not... mad at me, Grandfather?" You hesitated, your voice shaking. The adrenaline that fueled your body moments ago was already gone, leaving you the side effects of it. You were exhausted, having the migraine of the century and a cheek that hurt like hell. Besides, that soldier was right: you would have to face authority once back at the Wall. Damn... all that fighting, and it was for nothing. You couldn't change a thing about your grandparents' situation and now you were there without being sure about making those morons confess about their crime. _Fuck_.

The shaking ground made your whole body shudder, as well as your grandparents', looking at each other with horror on their faces. Your breath froze suddenly, realizing what was all about. The soldiers aimed their blades again with a confused look on their faces. The injured soldier by your hand sighed in disgust, an angry frown forming on his face while he took one of his blades with his healthy hand.

"This can't be _fucking possible,_ " he said, panic starting to rise on his voice. The others soldiers didn't know what to do or say, but when a scream came from the south, everyone turned. It came from a soldier riding a horse in the distance, whose face was absolutely pale and looking back every two seconds.

_**"Go away!! An abnormal is coming!!!! LEAVE NOW!!!"** _

You grabbed your grandparent's arms with an horrified look on your eyes, feeling shivers down your spine. _How the fuck did these morons protect their people? How couldn't they expect a fucking abnormal?_ Your brain was collapsed, and the ground shook again, and again, and again each time intensely than before, leaving you no time to think. What could you do, anyway? You were no soldier, you didn't have the proper weapons to fight a titan, not even a horse. _Fuck_.

"Everybody run back to the carriages!" You shouted to all the workers that were there, astonished and scared as you were, while you pushed your family towards one of the carriages. There was no time to stand there and wait for death.

Though you knew it was almost the end. Those people were all old, unable to walk properly, not even mention running. You tried to help them as much as you could, while the shaking ground sent shivers down your spine every time, trying to stay as calm as could be possible and do what you had to do - what those fucking soldiers weren't doing. You took a look to the distance, at the soldier who was riding his horse from that abnormal, and then you could see it. It was a ten-meter class, running uncontrollably towards all of you. He reached the riding man and without hesitation, crushed him with his foot. You felt your stomach writhing, and you weren't the only one who saw it.

"Fuck this, we're out!" The soldiers withdrew their weapons and started running up the Wall with their 3DGM, while the rest of you glazed frozen at them. _What the fuck was that?_ Your body heated intensely, anger rising from your fists, unable to believe what was going on. Those _fucking morons_ from the Militar Police. The only one who stood was the soldier that you cut his straps, unable to use his gear, growling and insulting his comrades for leaving him there. If the ones that were armed didn't fight the titan, what else could we do about?

Your boiling anger made your whole body send shivers to every limb, and you could feel your eyes starting to get damp from tears born of a fear that you've never felt before. That was it, wasn't it? The end. You were all lost. There was nobody here that could defeat that titan, not even the injured moron. Why did this have to happen? One day you're having tea at your living room, the other you're about to get eaten by a titan, thanks to the Military Police and their corrupted ass. You suddenly felt an attack of retching at the thought of all of you being eaten by that monster. Because it wasn't only about you, but your grandparents, and all those other people...

The injured bastard got to the other carriage, unhitching the horses from it in order to gain speed, while you were lost in your thoughts.

" _I seriously can't believe this is happening._ " Your voice was cracked in anger and fear, holding back tons of tears and wanting to be swallowed by the damned earth. You urged the others to get inside the carriage, helping them as much as you could, and as soon as they were inside, you took one look back to the coming titan, who had stopped on his way just for a short of time to examine at the riding soldier crushed on the ground. Now, it was heading towards all of you and there was absolutely nothing that you could do about, not even run. The Gate was too far away from there and the weight was over the top for the horses to gain the needed speed. It was all lost. There was nothing that any of you could do about. Maybe if you had become a soldier years ago... Maybe if your parents had accepted your wishes... But now, it didn't matter anymore. You were about to die outside Wall Maria, and nobody would even know how. And your grandparents too. All that early fighting was meant to save them and all you did was being a failure. You weren't mean to be a soldier, you were just an ordinary person. A failure.

You shook the reins relentless while all those tormenting thoughts were colliding on your mind, unnoticed tears rolling down your cheeks. You wanted to scream from the top of your lungs, you wanted to take one sword and make that damn titan swallow it, and then, make those morons from the Military Police be taken to prison. You could see the injured moron almost reaching the Gate, that motherfucker. The shake-earth steps were getting closer each second. You heard the people from the back of the carriage praying to the three Goddess. Suddenly, you felt two hands reach you back and taken a quick glance to them, you saw your grandparents giving you a final look of peace. Tears were covering their faces as well as a warm smile just for you, their last reminder of the love they had for you, knowing that you were doing your best to get out of there.

You focused your eyes fiercely to the front, shaking the reins with all the strength that your already tired arms could pull. Those tears, those smiles. They were the reminder of what pushed you to your limits, of why you wanted to become a soldier, to be part of something bigger and try to change your surroundings. You wouldn't stop fighting until your last breath. You had to do something, otherwise, you wouldn't forgive yourself, even after death, of that wave of weakness that shot through your body manifesting itself in fear. Maybe if that injured moron could get the soldiers attention's, they could use the cannons and blow up the titan, or even get down and kill him with their blades. Yes, that could work. You bit your lip almost making it bleed, feeling your grandparent's hands on your back, giving you enough strength to keep shaking those reins. You only had to reach the Gate in time, before the titan could-

_**"AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!"** _

Before you could realize, you were flying towards the ground only covered by few bits of grass, due to the titans walkway along all that area. Your body spun for countless meters due to the impact force, feeling all your bones crack under your skin and muscles, your gaze blurred by the speed. When you finally stopped, you tried to focus again and stand up, but your body didn't respond. All you could do was to take a look at your surroundings from the ground, feeling broken bones, scratches and other wounds sending you their pain. Your whole body was now exhausted and injured.

That was when you saw it.

The titan had reached the carriage before you could even try your plan, kicking it and sending all of you to the air, even the horses. You could spot the elderly workers lying dead against the ground, due to the impact of the kick or the ground. Your blood froze at the sight. Among those deads were also your grandparents. Their eyes were closed, and their faces seemed peaceful, remains of that warm smile that they had brought to you just seconds ago. Still unable to move any limb, all you could you was screaming from the top of your lungs, feeling your throat already dry, burning your mouth, but you didn't care. Nothing else mattered.

The titan focused on your body lying on the ground caught by your scream. You didn't care. If he had to eat you, then he should fucking do it. You may had half of your bones broken, maybe you survived the fall because of your young age. But what was the point of surviving just to witness something like that. You couldn't save them, not even your self. All those years studying Zedd's books about the military, sparring with him, trying to develop a soldier attitude beyond the fake layer that you put yourself at home... In the end, they were for nothing. Stabbing that soldier, forcing him to do as you said, it was for nothing, too. In the end, you didn't do damn thing. You were _nothing._

With those last thoughts crossing your mind, feeling the ground shaking beneath you as the titan walked, you closed your eyes. You wish you could die before he grabbed you, it would probably be much less painful. Your eyes were crying waterfalls down your cheeks, your mouth trembling in a whimpering leaving your lips, unable to hold it back anymore. So this was it. The end of all things.

The picture of your family reunited embraced you like a storm. You suddenly felt better, knowing they would be the last thing that you saw, because you refused to open your eyes and look at the grinned face. There were your grandparents, both alive, smiling at you with pride in their eyes, as they always did, sitting at the immense couch of your home at the Capital, an image that never actually happen and now, would neither. Your parents were there too, though they never tend to smile, neither to you or between them, but they were keeping you one spot at the couch. Your brother Jace was standing behind them, a grin crossing his face, with the same cocky attitude as always. And then there was Zedd, behind your grandparents, holding them both by caressing their shoulders. He had a warm smile curving his lips, but when you focused on him... You saw him silently crying. Zedd... How could you leave him alone? He would never forgive you. You had to...

"I have... to..." You opened your eyes, facing that chilling face. Your voice was a whimpering whisper, but it didn't matter to you, as you were trying with all the remaining strength that was left to rise from the ground and face that titan. There was nothing else that you could do, but dying facing the imminent future, instead of crying surrounded by fear. You wouldn't die being a coward, you owed Zedd and your grandparents at least that.

"If you..." You cough, without taking your eyes away from that immense monster that was now standing still, looking at you as though he was... intrigued by your actions. But you didn't have the time or the will to start studying titans now. "Want to eat me... then..." millions of tears were rolling down your face, and holding your breath for a second, you screamed: " _ **GO AHEAD!!**_ "

But it didn't happen. Before the titan could place one foot towards you, a green lightning appeared from above his head and all you heard was flesh getting cut. _What the hell...?_

You saw the huge body falling dead to the floor, close enough to crush you beneath his weight. You closed your eyes and put your arms before your head in a quick reflex, vainly trying to cover you from the imminent collision, but another green lightning was fast enough to take you in his arms and pull you away from the titan's way. After a few seconds trying to process what was happening, you opened your eyes and finally saw it. They were there.

 _The Wings of Freedom_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you like this new chapter, it ended being much longer than expected but I feel it was necessary in order to go on with the plot. Besides, I feel the first one is a bit short and too much introductory, so there you have a bit of action! As I told you before, these events will impact on the reader's personality in the future.  
> And I wanted to say thanks for the kudos, they made me super happy, I didn't expect any feedback! <3 Again, thank you very much and I hope that you enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments if you feel like.


	3. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 ending:
> 
> "But it didn't happen. Before the titan could place one foot towards you, a green lightning appeared from above his head and all you heard was flesh getting cut. What the hell...?
> 
> You saw the huge body falling dead to the floor, close enough to crush you beneath his weight. You closed your eyes and put your arms before your head in a quick reflex, vainly trying to cover you from the imminent collision, but another green lightning was fast enough to take you in his arms and pull you away from the titan's way. After a few seconds trying to process what was happening, you opened your eyes and finally saw it. They were here.
> 
> The Wings of Freedom."

It was probably early in the morning when you woke up to face reality again. Some rays of sun entered the room from a near window, giving the place a very appreciated warm feeling after the cold night. Voices came through the door, being the reason to bring you back to the real world, though you were unable to fully understand what were they saying or to even recognize to whom they belonged—it was like having been asleep for decades, all your muscles tired and your senses barely active. After a few minutes wondering either to get out of bed or staying there for some more time, your hearing started to discern sounds, getting slightly bothered by an argument that was taking place outside the stance.

It took you a huge effort, but you managed to open your eyes. At first, the sunlight made them twitch for a moment, your retinas getting used to the feeling again. You wondered how long have you been asleep, since it didn't seem like one of your naps, but neither a single night of rest. Slowly realizing about your status, you felt your whole body buried in pain; the back of your head hurt quite a lot, as if someone was smashing your head with a heavy hammer, leaving you one hell of a migraine. Both your arms felt like the weight of the world, and your rib cage somehow inflamed, as if a bone was broken, making your breathing a bit painful in that area. Without even touching or seeing it, you could sense bandage covering burning bruises and wounds on your whole body: legs, arms, the back of your head... In short, you felt like crap.

You instantly dropped the idea of getting up, since you didn't feel able to. Actually, now you were regretting that those people outside woke you up. _Ugh_. Still trying to get used to all the pain arousing from your body, you took a look around, noticing that you were in your room. The one you used every time you visited your grandparents at Shiganshina. Your Grandparents.

Due to a knot on your throat and lack of strength, your voice broke while muttering their names. All of a sudden, millions of images flashed through your mind leaving you no time to think of any other thing; you were starting to remember the reason that led you to be in that bed. Your grandparents outside the Wall. Their dead bodies laying on the ground finally resting in peace. That big, grinning face walking towards you, to make you meet the same fate... The thought of it turned your stomach, twisting in knots that made your body starting to shake, all your wounds hurting more than before.

You remembered the last smile that your grandparents gave you, the warmth of their touch on your back with their little, wrinkled arms holding you close, letting you know that you weren't alone, encouraging you to keep shaking those reins even if it was already a lost battle. Now you felt empty, and before you could even realize, bitter tears were rolling down your face. Your hands were shaking uncontrollably and despite your empty stomach, you wanted to throw up.

"How did it..." _end like that?_ - You finished the sentence inside your mind. One more word and it wouldn't be the only thing getting out of your mouth. Feeling like being inside a nightmare, you wanted to cry from the top of your lungs. This was surreal.

But among those thoughts consuming your soul, a tiny spark of hope crossed your memories: the emerald capes. The Wings of Freedom. You even held your breath for a second without realizing. That was the last thing you remembered before waking up in your bed. They were the reason that you could still be able to open your eyes again and breathe, though it was painful as hell. In the end, they saved you. Although they couldn't reach that titan before it murdered...

While closing your eyes with fury, you swallowed saliva trying to hold back the feeling to throw up. No, you couldn't blame them for their deaths, it was all on you and mostly, all on the Military Police and the black market. The Survey Corps managed to save at least one person among all that chaos, so you owed them at least that. As soon as you could be able to get out of bed, you had to meet your saviors and thank them.

As if a strange wave of calm embraced you with those thoughts, now that your ears were feeling more awake than before, you got some words from the outside. " _Time is running out and we need answers. The world is not going to stop even though she is asleep._ " You shrugged, feeling a bit of guilt from the affirmation, calm and smirk dissipating in the air. You didn't recognize the voice, but it seemed quite authoritarian. On the inside, you started praying to the three Goddess he wasn't a Militar Police.

" _And I know._ " Just a few words were needed to stop your breathing. Not because of their meaning, but of the speaker: your brother Zedd was there. "B _ut I'm not going to disturb her for an interrogation. As you may have heard from the doctor, her physical state is critical and she needs to rest. My family is already fixing this, so go to the Capital and talk to them. Now, goodbye._ " His voice sounded harsh like you have never heard him before.

" _I apologize but we are not leaving yet. What your family is trying to fix is their reputation, and yes, we already heard about her state, but we need her testimony. Until then, we won't be able to act._ "

 _Why it had to turn out like that?_ , you thought to yourself. It was more than probable that this man was from the Military Police, and despite your young age, your ingress in prison was closer than ever. An indescribable weight on your chest was beginning to rise along with your nervousness.

" _This is like what, the seventh time that you two come here?_ " Your brother seemed angrier at every response that came out of his mouth. Your eyes started to get wet and you would have to get up from the bed if you could; you didn't want him to get into trouble, too. " _I already said it: when she's recovered, she'll testify, even to the King if he asks for it. But until then, I won't let you disturb her._ "

" _We understand that she's been through a lot, but..._ " Another different voice stated, more calmed than the two other men as if he was trying to erase the tension. Nevertheless, it made your brother highly irritated.

" _A lot? Do you really think you understand? She just lost her grandparents because of a fucking titan and almost died in the process, too. She's laying on a bed critically ill, will probably have a trauma for the rest of her life and you want her to talk about all of that as if she didn't feel a damn thing. Of course, you don't understand, or you wouldn't be there each day trying to piss me off._ "

After a few seconds of nothing, the first voice spoke again, this time he sounded more collected. " _She's twenty years old. Soldiers at her age have already experienced-_ "

" ** _Don't._** " Your brother growled. " _Don't you dare to finish that. She's not a soldier, and she didn't do it having received proper training or weapons. Don't you dare to say it's the same. She's just a kid that got caught in the middle of a scheming._ "

The tears that you were trying so hard to hold back released themselves because of your brother's words. Using your bare hands to cover your ears as good as the injuries let you, you tried to unfocus your attention from the conversation outside. You were determined to not hear anything else, keeping like that for minutes that seemed ages and also thinking about other stuff to distract you, such as how many broken bones could you have and how many days will you be at that bed without being able to return to the Capital.

After those voices seemed weaker than before, you stopped the stupid pose and took a look around, noticing there was a glass full of water on the nightstand. Reaching one hand to get it, you had to contain a yell of pain. Your rib cage didn't just hurt, it burned underneath your skin, making it impossible for you to reach that glass as you could have done it before the incident. Taking some minutes to reach it in slow movements, focusing yourself on getting water while trying to forget the argument outside, you finally were able to take the glass.

Thanks Sina, it was already full, and though it has been kind of difficult to get it given the strength of your body at the time, you needed to drink from it and erase the knot that made you unable to stop crying. It helped for a few moments, but looking at the empty glass that now you were holding with your hands, you lost yourself again in tormentors thoughts. You didn't even try to stop it since you believed it was better than hearing the three men still argue about your condition.

"Why couldn't I save you?" You muttered, recovering your voice with the liquid that dampened your mouth. Your thorax hurt with every word, but you didn't care; by now, your whole body was buried in pain so what was the point of complaining or minimizing it? It couldn't get worse. And you didn't care about it at the moment.

"Why, grandparents? Why couldn't I save you?" You repeated, looking at the empty glass in your hands with blank eyes. You were so close... yet incapable of accomplishing it. You always wanted to believe that you could be _something_ more, but maybe you were wrong. Maybe it was just the vision of a child that looked up at her brothers and wanted to be like them and to accomplish great achievements like them. But maybe... no, it wasn't a maybe, it was a fact: you weren't made of the same way as your brothers were.

They could have been able to save them, that was another fact. They were trained soldiers capable of anything. Jace was in the top ten of his trainee graduation, one of the best, and Zedd had tons of knowledge, skills and all that stuff that made a good soldier.

You had none.

Because if you were half as good as any of them, you could have thought of a better solution, or another way, _anything_ in order to save them all. Not only your grandparents but those other people among them, too. But you ended being useless. A disappointment, perhaps? No. Deep inside you, it was worse than any of that. You felt that you were absolutely _nothing_.

“Maybe,” you muttered, the only thing that your voice allowed right now, “this is just a nightmare.” But it hurt too much. Not just the feelings, the pain that arose from all parts of your body was enough to confirm it was real. Deep inside you, you wished that the past events were one of the worst nightmares of your life. That just by blinking a few times, you would wake up again at the same bed, ready to help your Grams by cooking something yummy for everyone, taking care of the birds with your grandfather and then going for a walk with both of them at the marketplace, searching for sale clothes or cute ornaments, like you all used to do during your stay at Shiganshina.

But it wasn't going to happen. To be honest, thinking about those good moments seemed even less real than before as if a dream. They were in the past, they would never happen again, so how could you know it was real? That it actually happened before? All you had left was a battle wounded body and an indescribable pressure upon your heart.

Without warning, you ended up being swallowed by that storm of sadness, guilt, and disbelief that were your thoughts. Lost among these feelings, your hands started to tighten around the glass, squeezing it harder each second that passed. Tears didn't stop rolling down your cheeks, and the bitter knot reappeared again on your throat. Your left arm was sending you a shooting pain, as well as the back of your head. The bruises that covered most of your skin burned like hell, even though they were all bandaged. That indescribable weight on your chest was growing bigger and along with the pain from your thorax, breathing was becoming a hard task.

Your exhausted body was trying to send you a warning, but your mind didn't pay attention to it, focusing instead on those painful thoughts. They just kept coming endlessly and you were too shattered to fight them back as if you didn't feel like yourself.

When the material reached its limit after some minutes, the cheap thin glass between your hands broke, exploding into tiny pieces that cut like needles the palm of your hands. That made you come back from those awful thoughts to reality and now, with both hands covered in blood, pain arising from all your body and lungs aiming to get back to normal, you gasped for air. Obvious to any thinking person, all the strength needed to break the material worsen your state. If possible, you would have jumped from the window at that exact moment.

Luckily for you, the sharp sound broke the silence in your room, reaching the three men outside. Seconds later, your brother stepped in as quickly as he could, already knowing what that meant. Just one look at your bloody hands and your gasping face was enough for him to act. He rushed to get some pills that were at the desk, supposedly painkillers, and almost forced you to swallow them with another glass of water. Wrinkles of worry covered the young skin of his face, though you couldn't be aware of it. Placing one paper bag in your mouth, he helped you to try to recover your proper breathing while the pills did their thing.

Zedd knew that you had kind of problems dealing with pressure and it usually affected your breathing. It was as if somebody held your chest with enough strength to make it impossible for you to breathe properly. Doctors at the Capital said it was anxiety, and they prescribed you a medicine to calm it, which you supposed Zedd also gave you along with the painkillers, or at least you hoped.

Many minutes of silence passed until you got slightly better, giving him enough time to focus on another problem: your red hands that were starting to stain the bed. Reaching some bandage and peroxide placed next to the pills, he started to auxiliary both of your hands, first erasing any possible remnants of glass on your skin.

His presence was somehow a relief for you; you knew you weren't alone, and that gave you some comfort. But still, it wasn't enough to help your breath returning to fully normal or to even make you able to look at him as before. Flinching in pain at every piece that he threw out from your hands, you managed to speak. _I'm sorry_ , were the only words that came out of your mouth, being too ashamed to say anything else but at the same time, feeling pressured to say something, anything.

The lack of his answer didn't help you at all. If he was angry, it was more than reasonable, but... All of a sudden, that made you feel alone. It didn't matter if he was right by your side. You felt him like millions of distances away. His earlier words towards the other two men denoted concern and protection, but in your mind, it all started to take another meaning: maybe the lack of response was due to him being tired of you and your problems.

Right now, he should be working on the Walls but instead of that, he was taking care of his stupid sister. Maybe you were now a burden for him and he just felt annoyed for having to take care of you since you had no one but him. You had never thought about your brother Zedd in that way, but your emotions were now a chaos of feelings collapsing and bursting out just to leave you confused and agitated, not helping at all with your anxiety.

"[First]..." Finally, your brother said something, making you raise your gaze to meet his eyes for the first time, piercing your soul. Your heart flinched at the sight: he looked tired, dark bags under his eyes, few wrinkles of worry on his forehead and a layer of sadness covering his gesture, leaving not a hint about his always cheerful smile that you liked so much. "Just... take a rest, okay?" You noticed that words fumbled in his own mind. You didn't blame him because you neither knew what to say to him. Your stomach turned again, making you sick. You and your actions were the cause that he was like that, worse than you've ever seen him, and it was as if someone stabbed your heart.

"I'm sorry," you murmured, already feeling again tears over your cheeks. Unable to hold his gaze anymore, you lowered your head and continued. "I'm sorry for stabbing that man, okay? And for not being as strong as you or Jace to save them from the titan, and I'm sorry for being-" Your voice broke as a painful whimpering shook your body, making your breathing difficult due to the sobbing.

You have never felt like that. Empty, broken, lost.

It has been all in vain: trying your best to get as much information as that moron from the Military Police could give you, elaborating a quick exit for the workers outside the Wall to save two of the people that you loved the most... A lost cause. All those efforts ended being for nothing. They just made you be present to look at the corpses of your grandparents and carry that image for the rest of your life.

That guilt of not being enough. It didn't matter if you tried your best: you were meant to never succeed.

Ashamed of yourself and your reaction, you placed one wounded and still bloody hand over your mouth as if that could cover what was happening, just wishing to disappear behind that hand. "I'm a failure." You whispered in a sharp, shaken voice, not sure if it had been even audible.

That was the trigger that broke out your brother: tired of all those horrible things that you were thinking, he sat by the edge of the bed and tried to desperately hug you with both arms, but at the same time, carefully enough not to hurt your wounds. Shocked by his sudden reaction, you found yourself unable to say a word or move a muscle, while his hand caressed your back with kindness and affection. The strength of his arms wrapped around your body made your injuries send you signs of pain through your system but you didn't care—you couldn't have got away from his arms, even if you wanted.

After a few seconds, you decided to return the hug in a proper way and wrapped your arms tightly around his torso as good as you could, allowing yourself to cry over his shoulder, whining uncontrollably. In the end, even if he was upset, disappointed, tired or just worried... He was the last person alive that cared about you. You knew that mom, dad, and Jace were going to hate you for causing trouble to the family's name after beating up a Military Police, and they...

They were already gone forever. Your grandparents. There was no one but Zedd.

"You are not a failure," Zedd whispered to your ear before distancing himself a bit to hold you from your shoulders, forcing you to look at him. "Neither a weak person." You hesitated, keeping your gaze on the sheets. Placing one hand under your chin, he lifted it softly and you finally faced him. Tears were also rolling down from his eyes, breaking your heart. But it was reasonable: after all, he just lost his grandparents, too.

"You are tired, injured and grief-stricken, but that doesn't make you all of that stupid affirmations you just said, hear me?" You lowered your gaze again to the sheets, feeling the knot on your throat hurting. "[First], look at me." You tried, but it hurt too much. Seeing him like this, trying to make you feel better even when he was devastated... You didn't deserve it.

"Why are you doing this? Shouldn't you be at work or something?" You murmured, closing your eyes for a brief moment as if that could stop the tears—it didn't. They just kept coming and making you sicker than before.

"What kind of question is that?” His expression changed, from sadness to confusion. "I have to take care of my little sister. No, I don't have to...” While words were coming out of his mouth, the palms of his hands started to clean tears from your cheeks. “This is what I want, [First]." The slightest smirk appeared on his lips as he continued. “I am not leaving you on your own. **Never**. Remember that I'm your brother, and I love you."

His voice couldn't have sounded more sincere and calmed. Among those silently tears covering his face, the smirk turned into a beautiful, tender smile, lighting up the room more than any other ray of sunshine, reminding you how it was to see him smile when everything was crashing down: like a breath of fresh air, like a rope to help you out of the well. He was your family, your beloved brother, and he was going to be with you until the very end. All those early thoughts about being tired or disappointed were just assumptions based on your inner fears of ending up without him, but there was nothing to fear about.

Ignoring any pain, not sure if decreased because of the pills or the feelings, you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face on his chest while still crying tons of tears, this time with a less bitter taste. He couldn't be able to see it but those words and gestures towards you raised a shy smile on your lips, something that seemed impossible to you at the moment. But he was Zedd, he was the only one who could make it.

_I am not leaving you on your own. Never._

His last words echoed in your head like a spark of electricity, returning a bit of hope to your still sad soul. After some minutes like that, without saying a word neither of you two, you rested again on your bed, holding your brother's hand and closing your eyes. You didn't say anything, but inside your mind, you were begging him to never leave you, as he just promised. As long as he was there... everything would be ok. You could overcome any obstacle. He was your family. And you couldn't lose any more people in your life, it was already too much.

With your hands still slightly bleeding, Zedd took both of them to keep disinfecting the wounds and bandage them—it stung quite a bit, but you weren't in the mood to complain. Once he finished, he placed one kiss on your forehead and rose from the bed, leaving you again as you most feared: alone. Before you could tell him to come back, his voice resonated with fury in the room.

"I didn't allow you to come here. _Leave **now**_."

His suddenly harsh voice made your eyes open in a rush, wondering to whom were those angry words directed. Then, you realized that you two haven't been alone this entire time; two men from his earlier argument, you assumed, were right behind the door frame both with an unknown expression holding your brother's gaze. They didn't seem to have any intention to leave, but that wasn't what made your mouth wide open in shock.

They were covered by green capes.

They were _here_ , in your room.

The Wings of Freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, SO SORRY for the delay. I've been super busy with college, work and cosplay, but I don't plan to leave this unfinished. Even if it takes time, I plan to keep writing this story until the end. I know I'm not a talented writer, but I have all the ideas already written down and I think maybe a few of you would like this huge... thing?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you can forgive me for not updating in such a loooong time ;__; But this chapter took a lot of time and effort (it was actually twice as long, but I had to cut it... so the other half is Chapter 4), and proofreading also consumes lot of time. /cries  
> But don't worry because the following chapter is already written, I just need to proofread, so it will only take around 2-3 days. Yay!!
> 
> Oh, I mentioned before that one character that you already know was going to appear... I lied. Nope, I didn't, but since I divided this chapter into two different ones, /he/ couldn't make it into this one. So please, wait a bit more to finally see him~~ (What are your thoughts? Who could that be?)
> 
> And before I leave... Thank you VERY MUCH for all the kudos and comments. You guys make me incredibly happy with your support. I probably wouldn't be uploading this chapter if it wasn't for them ;_; YOU ALL DESERVE THE WORLD. I LOVE YOU. AND SEE YOU SOON <3


	4. Blue and amber eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 ending:
> 
> With your hands still slightly bleeding, Zedd took both of them to keep disinfecting the wounds and bandage them—it stung quite a bit, but you weren't in the mood to complain. Once he finished, he placed one kiss on your forehead and rose from the bed, leaving you again as you most feared: alone. Before you could tell him to come back, his voice resonated with fury in the room.
> 
> "I didn't allow you to come here. _Leave **now**_."
> 
> His suddenly harsh voice made your eyes open in a rush, wondering to whom were those angry words directed. Then, you realized that you two haven't been alone this entire time; two men from his earlier argument, you assumed, were right behind the door frame both with an unknown expression holding your brother's gaze. They didn't seem to have any intention to leave, but that wasn't what made your mouth wide open in shock.
> 
> They were covered by green capes.
> 
> They were _here_ , in your room.
> 
> The Wings of Freedom.

_What are they doing here?_ , was the first thing you thought when you gazed at their emerald capes, astonished by the two big figures that were flawlessly standing right there. But with each second that passed, your brains kept formulating questions about their presence in _your_ room, of all places.

"Apologies," one of them started with a calm voice despite your brother's rudeness, as if it didn't affect him. Meanwhile, Zedd had crossed the room in a pair of strides to reach their position. "But you already know how necessary it is to ask her-"

" _ **What is wrong with you two?**_ ", Zedd interrupted him abruptly. There was already no sign of the tenderness with which he had treated you just some minutes ago. Even though you couldn't see his expression because of his back turned, by the fact that his hands were formed into tense fists you could easily imagine his furious eyes. "I said _**leave**_."

Something inside your mind clicked, connecting all the pieces to comprehend what was going on—the argument from before to inquire about the incident, even though you were still recovering, had been with them, indeed. Because _they_ were the ones who wanted to interrogate you. Not the Military Police, not the Garrison.

_The Survey Corps._

Despite that they were driving your brother crazy with their presence, it didn't have the same impact on you, looking at those soldiers with your mouth wide open in both awe and shock. One of them noticed that they caught your attention and, ignoring Zedd's warnings to leave the house, locked his gaze with yours.

There was a peculiar light in his almond, amber eyes. Something like surprise mixed with curiosity. And for a moment, the commotion that your brother was causing with his argument between him and his companion didn't even matter—your attention was somehow caught entirely by those amber eyes.

It was when his lips were about to curve into a smile that you two had to break the eye contact. Your bother had tried to close the door of your room, but the other soldier, who you noticed was taller and also bigger than Zedd, stopped it with his hand in a quick move. _This isn't going to end well_ , you thought.

"I'm gonna give you exactly three seconds to leave this house," Zedd growled. You had never seen him that agitated by some conflict outside of his job, but it was starting to scare you. The man who was holding the door seemed unaltered though, looking back at him with a focused expression and icy blue eyes, as if nothing could be able to move him from that spot. "Take your arm off the door, or I swear to Sina that-"

"Zedd, wait!" You shouted as much as your strength allowed it, because he could face serious problems if he threatened another soldier, and you could almost see him getting into a physical fight if no one stopped it. And in that moment, above all, you didn't want him to get into trouble with the military like you had already done stabbing an MP.

He was turning a deaf ear to your interruption and continuing with the threat until a loud whine echoed in the room—your rib cage and lungs weren't in condition to shout anything at all, and that attempt had hurt so badly that you couldn't contain your groan. The sharp pain made you flinch in your bed, which also provoked, as a domino effect, that the rest of your injuries burned for a moment that seemed endless. Closing your eyes in a reflex, you found yourself whimpering without being able to control it—even though the painkillers from before were trying to improve your symptoms, if you forced yourself like that, it would still hurt like hell itself.

Before you could be aware, Zedd was already taking more pills from the desk as well as another glass of water to almost force your mouth open and make you take them, so desperate about your status that his hands were shaking. As difficult as it was, you managed to swallow them and opened your eyes again to see your brother looking at you with a face that had no sign of exasperation, but worry. Seeing him suffering like that again made something inside you regret your actions, even if you did it as a result of his argument.

"Please, stop," you whispered, trying to collect some strength to recover your voice. He had knelt down at your side, with both his trembling hands holding yours and eyes covered with a shiny layer of what seemed tears. "Don't get into trouble because of me..."

"No, no, don't talk," he murmured with a soft voice. In that moment, it was as if once more, the soldiers weren't there looking at the two of you, not even in the house. "The doctor will be here soon, I promise."

You shook your head. "I can endure the pain," you lied, but there wasn't any other choice left for you—the doctor's presence wasn't going to magically heal your wounds, maybe put you to sleep again with another those of pills, and that wasn't what you really needed in that moment. "Please, let me speak with them."

Your words hit him like a hammer. It wasn't as if he was blind to not see coming that reaction from you, because after all those years being your brother, he knew you well enough. What made him open his eyes in shock was the fact that even being that battle wounded, almost incapable of talking, you were willing to cooperate with the Survey Corps even if you could faint in the middle of the conversation.

Zedd shook his head as a response, releasing the grip of your hands to stand up. "No fucking way, [First]." His voice sounded harsher than you expected, which made you shrug, scared from his reaction. "You need to rest."

"But-"

"I said _no_ ," he growled again, preventing whatever reason you were about to give him, because he wasn't going to let you any chance of persuading him. You frowned even though he couldn't see it—your brother was already reaching the soldiers again, who had witnessed the whole scene from the same spot as before.

Even though Zedd was ready to face them and take them out of the house at all costs, the two soldiers were staring only at you. It was impossible to tell what they could be thinking, especially because their faces didn't give you any clue either, but somehow, after locking gazes with the icy blue eyes again, this soldier's expression changed.

"Now I'm gonna give you _one_ single second to leave this house or-"

"Let's go, Alex," the blue-eyed soldier interrupted, refusing your gaze to direct it at his companion, who seemed surprised by the comment. He placed a hand on Alex's shoulder and tilted his head towards the exit.

" _Good_ ," Zedd replied satisfied, though they both were ignoring your brother's presence.

Alex, the soldier with the amber eyes, sighed as if defeated, but before they could turn away, his companion added something more. "We've already lost any hope to make them pay for this crime."

And that sentence alone was enough for you to react.

"No! Wait!" you tried to shout again with the remaining strength that you could manage, which wasn't quite much considering the shooting pain and the those of painkillers that you had taken. But you couldn't care less about your body, because you weren't going to let them get away after having said _that_ out loud.

The three of them turned around to see you struggling with your painful wounds, though this time, you were trying as hard as you could to stay still and face them with determination in your eyes. Taking a deep breath, you started moving your limbs as if willing to get up from the bed, even though you knew it was impossible in your state and that it could probably damage your torso and therefore, some organs, but you _had_ to make them stay, at any costs.

Zedd frowned in disgust before going back to your side, using his both hands to hold you from your shoulders and keep you in the bed, while you tried to avoid looking at him. Instead, you were fully focused on those soldiers, and thanks to that you noticed that they both had a smirk on their faces. _Damn, they knew that I would take the bait._

Despite the burning pain that arose from all parts of your body from having shouted, flinched and even attempted at standing up, your lips also started to curve into a smirk from the realization of that little trap that they had settled. Nevertheless, Zedd made that smirk impossible as his growlings were again reaching your ears, getting on your nerves.

"Zedd, I need answers," you muttered, trying to raise your voice again. "And they need them too." Your brother still looked annoyed at your reaction, so you decided to take another direction. "If those bastards run away with their crimes," you continued, trying as best as you could to be able to talk, "after everything I have done trying to save them... I swear that-"

You had to shut up before being able to finish the sentence due to a knot in your throat, noticing how your eyes were starting to get teary. More than trying to convince Zedd, you were opening up about how you felt—powerless and heartbroken. If that bastard and all his companions had truly got away with their crimes, once you were recovered you would do _anything_ to make them pay, whatever the cost. And though deep inside you a tiny voice whispered that your brother was right, that you weren't in condition to keep such an intense conversation just yet, neither physically nor psychologically, you weren't going to give up the chance of providing them some useful info to avenge your grandparents' death.

The Survey Corps were there already, and if it was true that they were fighting to get some justice out of this incident, then it was another solid reason to endure the pain and talk.

Zedd was trying to think of something to say that could get the idea out of your mind, but he knew that it was already impossible. Besides, not only your words had touched him, but also your shiny eyes due to the tears forming at them. In the end, he felt the same about them. It was his family, too.

"Okay." He sighed as if defeated. "But as soon as you feel dizzy or something, this conversation is over." He stepped away from the bed to lean on the near wall, making a signal to the soldiers for them to come closer.

"Thank you, Zedd," you whispered, feeling truly grateful to him, and with your heart already racing wild about what was going to happen. He didn't answer, neither that you needed it because his actions were enough for you.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, as much as your lungs and rib cage allowed it, trying to calm your agitated emotions. It required you some time in which none of the three men at the stance said a word, noticing your struggle and just waiting for you to be ready, so once you thought you had accomplished it, you opened your eyes and nodded toward the soldiers that were standing at the foot of the bed.

They nodded back and walked towards the side of your bed, leaving you some time to be able to analyze them a bit more, while they were now the ones getting ready.

The one with amber eyes, Alex, was taking one chair from the desk to place it beside the bed, apparently for his companion to sit. Not only the shape and color of his eyes were charismatic, but his raven locks falling on both sides of his face, reaching his shoulders with the rest of his hair put in a ponytail made the whole combination kind of charming. Somehow, drowned by the features of that amber-eyed soldier, you found yourself unable to take your eyes off him, which he instantly noticed. His lips curved into a smirk before casually speaking.

"So, are you always that stubborn?" He chuckled when your eyes opened wide due to the shock of such an informal approaching. Zedd face palmed himself, trying to hide a smile that born from his disbelief.

" _Alex_." The other soldier shot him daggers, and even though he only said his name, it seemed like an order to shut up. Alex cleared his throat and formally apologized, his head bowed down with shame.

"Unfortunately, yes," your brother muttered, gaining a frown from you before turning your attention to whatever the soldier with blue eyes had been doing after sitting on the chair. He carried a folder which included a pencil knotted with a cord and some papers that you couldn't read from your spot and was looking through them, as if gathering information about the incident before starting with his questions.

Your eyes started to follow the way from his papers and hands to his torso and neck, reaching his face once more. The most noticeable features were his thick and bushy eyebrows, which accompanied those icy blue eyes that seemed to be part from the sky itself—maybe they weren't as charming as Alex's, but one could definitely get lost in that blue without being aware. It wasn't difficult to tell that he was quite polite and collected, not only from his actions but also from his looks—unlike his comrade, whose hair was kind of messy on purpose, this man had his blond hair carefully combed to one side, and what seemed like an undercut of a darker tone.

The moment his gaze raised from the papers to lock with yours, you felt somehow anxious, as if he was now the one analyzing you back.

"What do you want to know," you let out trying to start the conversation before your hands could begin to sweat. But once you realized what you just said, and how, you hold your breath for a second. His blue eyes had pierced your confidence enough to make you nervous as hell and let out such informal words, at least, when talking to a soldier. "I mean!" Ashamed as you felt after such a stupid mistake, you cleared your throat and quickly saluted him with your fist on your heart. Some bruises from your right arm stung beneath the clothes, making you wince uncontrollably though still fighting to remain with the pose, needless to say, in vain. You heard your brother sigh, and another soft chuckle from Alex.

The blond soldier didn't say a word—he had been analyzing your features and now he seemed intrigued by your actions. As if trying to give you some confidence back, his lips formed into a kind smile. "There's no need to be nervous. We are your allies, I can assure that."

"I apologize," you muttered with your gaze lowered, avoiding his, a bit ashamed. "I should have been more polite." After clearing your throat, you looked at him once more. "Is there anything that I can do to serve the Survey Corps?" Although it was obvious what they wanted to talk about, you wondered what exactly they would ask.

"In fact, yes." He nodded. "And you are the only one who can do it, actually." You hold your breath for a second. _And then he says that I don't need to be nervous. Nice._

"Allow me to introduce us first. I'm Erwin Smith, squad leader from the Survey Corps, and this is Alex Atkins. We have been investigating this issue for a long time, so we have a few questions for you, Miss [Last]" You nodded, ready to help them as much as possible. "Let's start with how did you get to the other side of the Wall." His cool, blue eyes were calmed, yet curious about what you had to say.

You didn't expect him to be so direct from the beginning, which made you feel somehow uneasy. The flashbacks that came to your mind started to turn your stomach from the nervousness of not only remembering all of it, but also having to put it into words to the Survey Corps themselves. That made it difficult for you to elaborate any sentence that could explain how everything happened, but you didn't want to give warnings to your brother about being dizzy already.

"Well, I..." Fumbling for words, you lowered your gaze to your hands to play with the bandage that covered them now. The inability to start talking about it made you frown as a result, frustration coming along the way. In addition, you were struggling with which exact parts you should tell or avoid because as much as you wanted to collaborate, you knew that telling the whole truth could be problematic.

"Take your time," Erwin muttered, noticing that you were trying to organize your thoughts.

"My grandparents were forced to work outside the Wall." You knew that it wasn't exactly what he asked, but it was where you wanted to start, and after all, he would eventually need that intel as well. Still staring at your hands, you continued, "lifelong farmers here and there, but they started to do it beyond Wall Maria some years ago." Even though you were frowning, your eyes were actually trying to choke back the need to cry about remembering that last conversation with your grandmother. "So that was their only way to keep this house and, well, buy food and clothes. But I didn't know until... yesterday." Expecting more questions, you raised your gaze again to look at him.

"You've been half asleep for five days, [First]..." Your brother muttered loud enough for you to hear it, but as if trying not to disturb you with the news.

You gasped unconsciously. It was indeed surprising and kind of confusing because you had lost the perception of time, but also reasonable—you felt like crap from head to toe and the dose of meds and painkillers needed had been enough to keep you half asleep for days and even erase any memories of your awake moments.

"Well, then... I didn't know until five days ago?" You continued, glancing at your brother, then focusing on the soldier again.

"I see," Erwin whispered while noting down something on his papers, then rose his gaze at you. "Did you find this out by yourself?"

"No, I didn't. My..." You gulped, as if trying to choke that next sentence because you knew that it was going to hurt. "My grandmother had to tell me because I caught them by surprise." At this point, your voice was a soft whisper and the tears were threatening to appear once more. "I always tell them when- I mean."

You had to stop to collect your thoughts—it was hard to get used to referring about them using the past tense, to get used to the fact that they weren't there anymore, and that this wasn't a nightmare after all. And it was quite exhausting to talk about what caused their death because you were the only one who knew the details, so no one could do it for you. Not only the shooting pain that tortured your whole body was piercing you, but also the grieve and the trauma were making it even worse.

Erwin, as well as the others, noticed your struggle and ordered his companion to refill another glass of water, which didn't take long to get to your hands. You thanked them before drinking all of the liquid in an attempt that it could help you _somehow_ —erasing the knot at your throat, calming your turning stomach or just simply bringing your voice back. After taking some deep breaths, you gave him back the empty glass and continued a bit more calmed, in spite of the sorrow that you still felt and that would take a long time to disappear.

"I always told them when I was going to pay a visit and they arranged the working schedule so I wouldn't find out. This time I wanted to surprise them, and, well..." You went silent for a moment, collecting some strength to keep going until the end. "She told me that it had to be a secret because anyone who dares to talk gets punished by them."

" _Them_ ," Erwin muttered to himself, his gaze lost in the papers before looking back at you. "Who, exactly?"

"The Military Police, of course," you growled, now feeling how by the mention of those bastards, all the sadness was evolving into something worse—anger. "They are the ones scheming all of this." Erwin nodded to himself as if confirming his suspicions.

"Alright." He arranged some of the papers in which he had been taking notes the whole time, and closed the folder. Now though he stared at you with a serious expression, his eyes seemed mostly curious. "So, [First]." The change from his previous _Miss [Last]_ to calling your name so directly wasn't something that you could overlook. In fact, it surprised you enough to raise a brow, letting him now that. "Back to where we started: how did you get to the other side of the Wall?" He had noticed that you were kind of taken aback, and now his lips were curving into a smirk.

You bit your lip unconsciously, drawing a mental diagram about to how to put into words the hell of an adventure that became your encounter with that bastard from the Military Police. _I shouldn't go into details, right?_

"With one of them," you simply replied after having decided it would be the best to go step by step to avoid giving him too much info.

"But how?" Erwin calmly replied, patient, probably knowing that you didn't want to share all the process, or so you thought.

"With his maneuver gear." You were starting to feel nervous again looking at his blue eyes—even though he seemed collected waiting for you to say anything, it was as if those eyes were trying to pierce into your soul and search for the answers himself, with an intensity that made you start to play with your fingers from the anxiety. _Is it safe to tell him?_ , you kept asking to yourself over and over again, while no one at the room dared to speak or even make a move, just wait for you to continue.

"I, uh, actually..." You mumbled, your gaze shifting from your hands to Erwin's eyes.

"You don't have to answer, [First]," your brother intervened, finally moving from his spot to reach the other side of your bed, staring at the two men that still expected something from you. "We're done for today, soldiers."

"That's true," Erwin replied after being caught by your brother. "It's not necessary for our investigation, just curiosity."

"But you can tell us, [First]," Alex interrupted with a soft voice, making you raise your gaze to meet his. "We're not going to judge you, on the contrary." He smiled at you with kindness, accompanying it with a wink that left you dazzled by his amber eyes before even realizing it.

"I said that-"

"Okay!" You cut your brother off before he could finish whatever new threat he was going to make. "Okay. I'll explain it." Taking a deep breath, you wondered if you had made a big mistake, but there was no turning back.

The reactions were quite different—Zedd sighed and muttered something that you couldn't understand but you were sure that it was a complaint, and Erwin and Alex seemed pleased with your decision and the last one almost excited.

"I forced one of them. He was disguised as a Garrison soldier, and seemed to be someone important to the operation." Zedd frowned at the mention of the Garrison. After all, he was one of them and hearing that apparently they had some moles and corruption that led to such a tragic situation wasn't something easy to take in.

"How did you find out?" Erwin kept asking, his eyes still full of curiosity. Feeling a sense of pride, you smirked uncontrollably.

"Looking at the facts before my eyes, sir. I analyzed the situation and the answers appeared." Erwin raised one brow as if surprised by your response. "I approached a group of Garrison soldiers at the gate, inquired about the farmers outside the Walls and, surprise. One of them looked at someone else. That someone else was too pissed by my comment while the rest thought I was crazy. Bingo."

"Interesting," Erwin muttered. "Continue. How did you find out that he was a Military Police?"

"Oh, because he treated me _so_ gently was _so_ kind and _not at all_ cocky," Alex let out a chuckle, making you glance at him and smile unconsciously. "That I instantly recognized that attitude. I'm from the Capital, you know." Zedd cleared his throat in an attempt to let you know that it would be better to control your words. That made you realize that you had maybe gone too far with your expressions and the nervousness from before made his appearance again. "And, uhm... That's how I got to the other side? Well, he used his maneuver gear to take me."

"But _how_ did he agree to take you?" It seemed that Erwin wasn't going to let that pass.

You sighed, trying to think of any way out of that, because after all, you didn't feel like remembering all the fight with the moron—not because you weren't proud of having kicked his ass, but because it ended up being in vain. "I already said that I forced him. I know how to defend myself."

"Which means that he attacked you," Erwin replied, taking a hand to the chin like a thinking position.

You shrugged, knowing that he was right, but that you also provoked that situation. "If I'm still here," you whispered, more to yourself than to them. "that means that I still have to face justice."

"Yeah, we need to talk about that," Zedd intervened, sounding annoyed by bringing that matter to the surface. It was reasonable for him to be angry, so you limited yourself to nod quietly. "In _private,_ " he specified while glaring at the soldiers with mistrust.

With tears beginning to blur your sight, the knot at your stomach seemed to return again, brought by the thought of that next conversation with Zedd—it was probable that he already had news about your parents, and not only your severe punishment by them, but what the judge had to say about all of this and your participation. _What if I end up in jail? What am I gonna do then? Dad would never allow it for me to go to prison, right?_ You gulped, trying to get rid of those thoughts to focus on what was happening at the moment, because there was no point in thinking about that when you still had to recover, at least to be able to move from the bed. Mom, dad and the trial were a problem of your future self, you wanted to believe.

"Anything else?" you asked the soldiers, aware that there wasn't much left to tell them, aside from the _how to punch, stab and threaten an MP_ part.

Erwin nodded in response and, opening the folder again, he spoke. "This is the last thing. Did you find out any information about why or how they selected those who worked outside the Wall?"

"Ah, yes, I did. They picked elderly people because they thought that their lives had no value, that they wouldn't be a huge loss." You were starting to feel the rage boiling deep inside you. It was so unfair that it made you sick to even say it out loud. "They were working on something big, after all. The harvest of special vegetables for the Chamber of Commerce and the black market, huh."

Erwin's eyes widened in shock for some seconds, and you heard both Alex and your brother gasp. You instantly felt bad your Zedd, because your dad was part of the Chamber as well, though you were confident in his innocence—he may be questionable when it came to taking care of his kids, but he wasn't evil.

"Can you confirm that the information is reliable?" Erwin brought you back from your thoughts, staring at you with now narrowed eyes.

"Believe me, he wasn't lying. That moron was- I mean." Alex tried to hide his chuckle covering his mouth with a hand, and your brother sighed again. Erwin didn't react, but kept waiting for more. "I'm sorry. But yes, yes, I am certain that the information is reliable, sir. Besides, apparently there were others disguised as Garrison soldiers, so they could be tracked down."

"I see." He closed his eyes for a few seconds again, maybe thinking about the news you just delivered or the next step in their plan. Then he took his pencil and started writing a bunch of stuff, which made the room quiet for some time. The news about the Chamber of Commerce and the black market had definitely made a great impact on him, because his expression had changed after hearing those words.

"Any more information that you could get?" You shrugged, shaking your head. "This is more than enough," he whispered, taking a final look at his papers, then closing the folder to look at you with an extended hand. "Thank you very much, [First]. You have been of great help, and I'll make sure to return the favor."

Trying not to hurt the recent wound at the palm of your hand, you shook his hand softly, noticing that his pressure was also gentle as if taking it into account.

Before the other soldier could do the same, Erwin had stood up and was staring at your brother with a more serious look on his face. "I would like to address this matter with you if it's possible. Outside."

Zedd raised one brow, presumably not trusting them yet and also, taken aback by Erwin wanting to talk with him after how rough their communication had been the entire time. He glanced at your wounded hands as a result of the anxiety that you had suffered while being left alone, and a layer a worry covered his face, manifesting in some wrinkles on his forehead. Erwin noticed it and decided to step in.

"Atkins will take care of her. It won't be long." The amber-eyed soldier smiled all of a sudden, saluting them with his fist on his chest. You nodded to Zedd, trying to assure him that you would be okay without him for a moment, because that matter was actually more important. After some seconds of hesitation, he left the room followed by Erwin, who glanced at his companion in a way that seemed like a warning to take good care of you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this is long as fuck, hope that it makes the wait worth though :( I was planning to upload it some days ago but I looked at the chapter and was like, "wait what is this? I don't like it" And that's the story of how I completely rewrote the whole thing. Also I miss SNK and my babies but I don't want to keep reading the manga because it depresses me so I'm focusing on fics instead. 
> 
> Oh, hoping that I made some justice to Erwin's character too! He's my fave along with Levi so I feel very pressured when it comes to writing them, especially because they are very deep and complex. As you can see this is the pre-Commander Erwin, because remember that these events take place two years before the fall of Wall Maria. 
> 
> And well, Alex is an OC that will have a great impact in the reader's life (I mean, have you noticed how they look at each other?????) He's kind of dorky and that's why Erwin sometimes treats him like a child, but they actually are good mates.
> 
> Comments are well received (COMMENT PLEASE,,,,,,,,, did you know that comments feed a writer's soul,,,,,,,,,,,)  
> let me know that you think! ❤


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